War…

chris rhan

“Am at war.”
The words in my head say I am wrong,
The etchings on my heart says this is true,
I have hands holding me down,
I never break free of the binds they hold,
I whisper but scream Help! To anyone and everyone,
However,
Am unseen in a cell crafted by unbendable steel,
My cries echo in this chamber,
Coming back as smug laughter,
I struggle and whimper as the binds start cutting into me,
I feel a wetness, on my arms, legs and body,
I cannot see it but I know its blood,
Am bleeding on this floor,
This floor am trapped on,
Full of despair, disdain, and denial,
I want to blame someone for my pain,
For my self-loathing,
But the answer has always been clear,
The demon standing in my way,
That wall I can’t seem to climb,
That taunting voice I despise,
I am the War against me.

FotorCreated

(image: Chris Rahn)

Hump Day…

When your soul is split in two only pain will reign.

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Monster…

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Monster…

I think I cracked something the other day as I tried to smile,

The weakness in me that I stored behind a wall started seeping through,

I don’t know how the world would view all that is within me,

I don’t even like to look it in the eye cause of what I see,

The monster looking back is never what you think,

It’s covered in a smile with words that bleed,

It’s dressed in vibrant colors even as it eyes darken your thoughts,

It says it’s what I deserve after everything,

It’s what I look and see every day in the mirror.

FotorCreated

Hump Day.

At times the monster within wins…

Cici Fact -The One

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‘Cause I’ve had my heart
Broken before
And I promised I would never let me hurt anymore
But I tore down my walls
And opened my doors
And made room for one
So, baby, I’m yours

Alessia Cara

  “I’m Yours.”


FotorCreated

Cici Fact

Happiness can  be attained after hurt.

Letter to Pain…

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If you could see me now,

You wouldn’t believe all that you did to me,

You would see I outgrew your deceit,

You would think all you did  was a mirage,

A figment of a past life,

 

Would you say the same things you said then,

Would you take back your words if you knew?

That all they did was tear down the walls,

The blocks that had to removed,

For my rebirth started at you departure,

 

Am whole now,

A better version of me,

More than you thought,

More than I believed,

A letter to you is more than you deserve…

FotorCreated

Hump Day

Trying to feel empowered… (song: Hailee Steinfeld – Love Myself)

 

The face in the mirror…

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I don’t know if I would call myself a good friend.

Am selfish, stubborn, self-absorbed, unfeeling and a loner.

In my happy moments I despise company. In my bad moments am a monster.

I stow away in my room with a locked door and the minimum amount of light possible.

Not because am Gothic nor is it a lifestyle choice but rather what the light shows.

The veneer we put up for everyone, fades away in the light.

The light shows all the hateful things you hate about yourself.

That you wish you could change but somehow can’t.

Funny thing is, the darkness is worse at this than the light.

When you are alone, surrounded by nothing but quiet, your mind won’t shut up.

Images, of dreams, of hopes, of pain, of misery, of failure.

They find you.

Some things, Some things you can’t run away from, no matter how far or fast you run.

Your greatest enemy is always the face in the mirror.

Cici

(image: This one I have no clue, if I do I will update.)


Hump Day
Weird facts you don’t want to know but I’ll tell you anyway.

 

 

Cici Fact – Between ’em sheets

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I like it a little rough, not too much but maybe just enough…

“Worth it”

Fifth Harmony ft Kid Ink


You know I like Fifth Harmony cause their videos are a buffet of abs…

Cici

Cici Facts

Truth by Cici Standards

Cici Facts – Moving On.

If happiness hurts, am happy for you…

“Stone Cold”

Demi Lovato.


Definitely my favorite song in Demi Lovato’s new album, Confident. Check it out…

Cici

Cici Facts

Truth by Cici Standards.