chris rhan

“Am at war.”
The words in my head say I am wrong,
The etchings on my heart says this is true,
I have hands holding me down,
I never break free of the binds they hold,
I whisper but scream Help! To anyone and everyone,
Am unseen in a cell crafted by unbendable steel,
My cries echo in this chamber,
Coming back as smug laughter,
I struggle and whimper as the binds start cutting into me,
I feel a wetness, on my arms, legs and body,
I cannot see it but I know its blood,
Am bleeding on this floor,
This floor am trapped on,
Full of despair, disdain, and denial,
I want to blame someone for my pain,
For my self-loathing,
But the answer has always been clear,
The demon standing in my way,
That wall I can’t seem to climb,
That taunting voice I despise,
I am the War against me.


(image: Chris Rahn)

Hump Day…

When your soul is split in two only pain will reign.





I think I cracked something the other day as I tried to smile,

The weakness in me that I stored behind a wall started seeping through,

I don’t know how the world would view all that is within me,

I don’t even like to look it in the eye cause of what I see,

The monster looking back is never what you think,

It’s covered in a smile with words that bleed,

It’s dressed in vibrant colors even as it eyes darken your thoughts,

It says it’s what I deserve after everything,

It’s what I look and see every day in the mirror.


Hump Day.

At times the monster within wins…

MIA status rescinded….

break_time_by_fishbone76 deviantart.png

Have you ever felt like your life included a marathon where you are fighting to survive in a world filled with zombies and all you need is a break with a good book and junk food? Well maybe its just me. 😛

I know I have been away for a few weeks but every few months I get into this funk that I just don’t feel like doing anything. I call it my reflections period cause I do nothing but read novel after novel. I always have these thoughts that I want to share but by the time I get down to write them the thoughts have flitted away. So I end up having the … moment. I hate it when I see those three dots appear in a message board. So imagine it happening in your head. Its like my brain is telling me its on break. #messed up

So what have y’all been up to? If I haven’t been to your blog in a few weeks I promise to visit as soon as this post is done.

The crazy is back. At least until another of my reflections period.

(breaktime- fishbone76, deviantart)



Ahh Friendships…


Being prepared is what being an adult is all about- I think! :|. With everyone calling me crazy I decided to take the initiative and prepare myself for the eventuality that they maybe right. So I picked my friendships with care and reasoning. My two best friends are both in the field of medicine. One is a psychiatrist and the other is a pharmacist. So free meds and someone to always listen to me. Am I smart or what?  After I wrote that I realized that I might be the less smart one in this bunch. Everyone went to med school! Damn it!

PS: Dear friends, I am only using you for your medical expertise. :p


Hump Day.

Weird facts you don’t want to know but I’ll tell you anyway.

Me, Myself and I…


I finally understand why people usually ask me how old I am or if I’ve ever been to a psychiatrist. Example, if you go through my blog the featured images I use are usually of cartoons or drowning people or food. This basically translates to mean I have the mentality of a wanna be serial killer toddler who is always hungry.


(image: peanilzles.com)


Weekend Update.

Messed up plans since 2014.



Am not sure when it went wrong,

Was it when…,

No, that  was my fault,

Was it…

No, that was still me,

I keep turning it in my head,

The choices, decisions, that led me here,

Us here,

I can’t pinpoint what I did,

Was it me?

(image: Julie Cranfill)


Hump Day.

Weird facts you don’t want to know but I’ll tell you anyway…