War…

chris rhan

“Am at war.”
The words in my head say I am wrong,
The etchings on my heart says this is true,
I have hands holding me down,
I never break free of the binds they hold,
I whisper but scream Help! To anyone and everyone,
However,
Am unseen in a cell crafted by unbendable steel,
My cries echo in this chamber,
Coming back as smug laughter,
I struggle and whimper as the binds start cutting into me,
I feel a wetness, on my arms, legs and body,
I cannot see it but I know its blood,
Am bleeding on this floor,
This floor am trapped on,
Full of despair, disdain, and denial,
I want to blame someone for my pain,
For my self-loathing,
But the answer has always been clear,
The demon standing in my way,
That wall I can’t seem to climb,
That taunting voice I despise,
I am the War against me.

FotorCreated

(image: Chris Rahn)

Hump Day…

When your soul is split in two only pain will reign.

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Letter to Pain…

fantasy_fire_bird_phoenix_wallpaper_hd_15-724x407

If you could see me now,

You wouldn’t believe all that you did to me,

You would see I outgrew your deceit,

You would think all you did  was a mirage,

A figment of a past life,

 

Would you say the same things you said then,

Would you take back your words if you knew?

That all they did was tear down the walls,

The blocks that had to removed,

For my rebirth started at you departure,

 

Am whole now,

A better version of me,

More than you thought,

More than I believed,

A letter to you is more than you deserve…

FotorCreated

Hump Day

Trying to feel empowered… (song: Hailee Steinfeld – Love Myself)

 

The face in the mirror…

face in the mirror3.jpg

I don’t know if I would call myself a good friend.

Am selfish, stubborn, self-absorbed, unfeeling and a loner.

In my happy moments I despise company. In my bad moments am a monster.

I stow away in my room with a locked door and the minimum amount of light possible.

Not because am Gothic nor is it a lifestyle choice but rather what the light shows.

The veneer we put up for everyone, fades away in the light.

The light shows all the hateful things you hate about yourself.

That you wish you could change but somehow can’t.

Funny thing is, the darkness is worse at this than the light.

When you are alone, surrounded by nothing but quiet, your mind won’t shut up.

Images, of dreams, of hopes, of pain, of misery, of failure.

They find you.

Some things, Some things you can’t run away from, no matter how far or fast you run.

Your greatest enemy is always the face in the mirror.

Cici

(image: This one I have no clue, if I do I will update.)


Hump Day
Weird facts you don’t want to know but I’ll tell you anyway.

 

 

TWENTY’S STUFFY…

You know am a mean kid by heart and will always gloat when credit is floated my way so this Hump Day I give you a poem I inspired and I have proof this time for those who still doubt I inspired Jupiter Rising

Source: TWENTY’S STUFFY…

by Walter the Kenyan Poet.

Happy times
Sad times
Some fight you win
As some you do lose
As brains and heart
Hurt to balance

At twenty’s you love
Yet hate to love
Here some do learn
How to hit and run
Seems the best years
To lose your ears

You get dumped twice
Then you revenge thrice
You sniff at advice
And sneer at the price
Little time to spare
Yet so much to repair

Twenty’s stuffy
Little worries..
Who cares?

Twenty’s stuffy
You prepared?
Who dares..

#Enjoy when you can
#Endure when you must.

Inspired
By Cici


Cici

Hump Day

Weird facts you don’t want to know but I’ll tell you anyway.

Me?

lost-love-julie-cranfill

Am not sure when it went wrong,

Was it when…,

No, that  was my fault,

Was it…

No, that was still me,

I keep turning it in my head,

The choices, decisions, that led me here,

Us here,

I can’t pinpoint what I did,

Was it me?

(image: Julie Cranfill)


Cici.

Hump Day.

Weird facts you don’t want to know but I’ll tell you anyway…

Free of pain

Originally posted on cicisrant.wordpress.com on 29 September 2014…

Do you know what I despise the most,

that when I sleep, I see you,

that when am awake, I think of you,

that when I crumble, I need you,

that when I needed you, you left.

Do you know what I desire the most,

that when I looked at you, I didn’t cringe,

that when I talked to you, I grew numb,

that when I saw you, I gave you a chance,

that when you had the chance, you didn’t look away.

But do you know what I feel now,

that I can walk without the chains,

that I can laugh without pretense,

that I can smile and it be real,

I feel free of the pain.

Cici.

Weekend Update

Giving you messed up plans since 2014